Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
