I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
