oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
