Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
