he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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