Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
