I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
