Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Text me some of your sweat
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
