Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
