During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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