just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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