I want to make a zoo with you.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
