When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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