my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
