My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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