why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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