I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
