Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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