I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
