They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
