then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
