i was born a porn star she said
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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