Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
