butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
whose ass print is on the piano?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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