dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
