Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He better not be in your backpack
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
