If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
