we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
