Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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