Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You were trust falling into bushes
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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