I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
