Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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