Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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