okay pat passed out under dana's car
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
