Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
im about as happy as oj after his trial
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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