Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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