Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
