he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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