we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
