I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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