If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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