Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
