mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
