Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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