The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
