I need help removing her.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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