I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
