Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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