She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Screwed.edu
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
