I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
