I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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