i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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