What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
